Yemisi
Parents with children suffering various intellectual disabilities have been encouraged to continuously ensure such children are supported to actualise their dream.
Regardless of the societal stigma and other challenges they faced, parents should strive to identify those abilities in the children and provide the necessary support to make them realise their ambition.
Speaking at “Let’s Talk Family” a forum organized by the Children’s Developmental Center, CDC, in Lagos at the weekend, Service Director of CDC, Dr. Yinka Akindayomi said that the Center decided to organize the forum to give parents the opportunities to share their experiences having identified agonies they go through.
The event she said allows experts to engage parents and offer them hope in their period of emotional stress and difficulties.
“I am so sad that these parents are tax payers whose money should have been used to provide facilities to cater for such children. They suffer stigma and confusion and I expect that government pay special attention to executing projects that would help these children develop their abilities and contribute to development of the society.
The CDC is supporting these children in various ways and most importantly giving hope to parents as they are no the architect of such problems”, she noted.
According to Akindayomi, raising a child who is mentally challenged requires emotional strength and flexibility.
She said that the child has special needs in addition to the regular needs of all children, and parents can find themselves overwhelmed by various medical, caregiving and educational responsibilities, adding that whether the special needs of the child are minimal or complex, the parents are inevitably affected. Support from family, friends, the community or paid caregivers is critical to maintaining balance in the home.
Akindayomi said that apart from other domestic work, physical exhaustion can take a toll on the parents of a mentally challenged child as additional responsibilities can take a physical toll on a parent, leading to exhaustion.
She expressed disappointment that parent of a child with developmental disabilities may have to deal with complex issues related to education because either a private education must be sought, or an adequate public education must be available. Parents often have to advocate for their child to receive a quality educational experience that will enrich them and this often requires close parental contact with the school system. The parent must monitor the child’s interactions with others to ensure she or he is not being bullied while transportation to and from school may require a specialized bus or van, and children with severe disabilities may need to be schooled at home.
Mrs. Emmanuella Otiono, educational consultant with Center Escolar Educational, who moderated the event stated that parents of mentally challenged children commonly experience a gamut of emotions over the years as they often struggle with guilt.
The father or the mother of the child in some cases may feel as though they somehow caused the child to be disabled, whether from genetics, alcohol use, stress, or other logical or illogical reasons and if this sort of engagement is not there such guilt can harm the parent’s emotional health if it is not dealt with.
Some parents struggle with “why” and experience a spiritual crisis or blame the other parent even as parents have aspirations for their child from the time of birth and can experience severe disappointment that the child will not attain the height they had in mind.
Otiono advised that these parents must deal with the “death” of the perfect child who existed in their minds and learn to love and accept the child they have just as occasionally parents feel embarrassed or ashamed that their child is mentally disabled.
More embarrassing is that the most health-conscious and diligent parents of special-needs children find ways to blame themselves for the child’s challenges and this feelings of guilt can impair a parent’s ability to care for their special-needs child, or for other children in the household.
Guilt can significantly lower a parent’s ability to enjoy life, and it can negatively affect relationships with friends and family and parents who are battling these negative feelings can gain relief through counseling or by seeking help and companionship from a support system of friends, family and fellow parents of special-needs children.
Sharing an emotional moment with our Correspondent at the occasion, 27 year old Anthony Kupe from Badagary area of Lagos said growing up was rough, challenging as well as exciting.
“I am an Online event promoter and a graphic artist. I suffered Cerebral Palsy but I was able to conquer my challenges because I attended a public school. I admired other people making progress so I was challenged to imitate them and in the process I took up the interest in graphics.
Today I feel I am fulfilled and thinking of getting married very soon”, he said.
Some other parents who spoke at the forum complained that their social outlook has been severely restricted because the neighbors avoid interacting with them.